


Avert Your Eye/s

by poisonedbymako



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Other, PREPARE YOUR MIND, Rare Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-29
Updated: 2012-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-06 05:52:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonedbymako/pseuds/poisonedbymako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>OHGOD WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN</p>
<p>Its exactly what it sounds, PREPARE YOUR MIND!</p>
<p>Or - 'The one in which Coulson is psychologically scarred forever'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avert Your Eye/s

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gift_From_Gaia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gift_From_Gaia/gifts).



“Agent Coulson!” shouts Maria as she barges into his office. _It can’t be anything too serious or SHIELD would be on alert. This means its either one of two things…_

Phil sighs, “What did Stark do now?” he asks with exasperation, reaching for the draw of files dedicated solely to dealing with Stark’s sexual harassment and workplace health and safety breaches.

“It’s not Stark, Sir,” Maria said, her mouth twisting with distaste, _Oh no this means that its_ , “Its… Its Director Fury,” she stammers, her cheeks heating up, “He’s at it again sir.”

_Dammit_. Coulson almost groans, “What do you expect me to do about it Agent Hill?” he questions, “You know how he gets when he’s made up his mind!”

“I was thinking you could… maybe… go talk to him?” Maria says, staring at anything other than Phil’s face. “Its just that… well… the entire bridge crew can hear him this time, Sir. We’ve already had two of the juniors pass out on-deck and I’m pretty sure Psych is booked out until next Christmas, Sir.” She rushes the last part and has fixed her gaze somewhere over Phils left shoulder.

_Think happy thoughts Phillip, happy thoughts_! Phil sighs, “Fine, but you owe me for this one Maria.” He fixes her with a pointed stare.  
“Anything you want, Sir!” Maria gushes, relief evident on her face, “I’ll clear the corridor for you, Sir, give you some time to get…collected” she says and exits almost as swiftly as she entered. 

Phil drops his face into his hands and groans. _Can’t believe I still have to deal with this shit_. He steels himself and heads out of his office, past the bridge crew and over to the Directors office. He almost winces as he sees the looks on the bridge-crews faces, horror, awe and pity all mixed into one. He enters the deserted corridor, horrible sounds growing louder and louder the closer he gets to the Directors office. Moans, grunts and the occasional ‘Fuck!’ all blend together into one horrible cacophony. Added to the mix is the horrifying squelching creaking noise that Phil just knows will echo in his mind for days. He stops. Takes a deep, deep breath and knocks on the door. The squelching stops, _Oh God_ , and he has to supress a shudder. He knocks again, ‘Director,’ he says, pitching his voice loud enough so the Director will be able to hear.

‘WHAT!’ Director Fury snarls. _Crap he sounds pissed_.

“Sir, I just thought I’d inform you that you’re um… preparation for the next mission ( _Oh smooth Coulson_ ) is rather, ah, audible, Sir. And that perhaps, in order to maintain status quo on the bridge, it would be, uh, advisable for you to engage the soundproof shielding around your office…”

“Noted,” growls Fury, ‘Now go the fuck back to work Agent!”

“Yes, Sir,” he says and quickly walk ( _runs_ ) down the corridor and back on to the bridge. He gives the thumbs up to Maria who looks like she’s about to pass out from joy and is quickly mobbed by a group of grateful, slightly psychologically scarred agents. He escapes to his office as soon as he can, collapsing into his ergonomic desk chair. _God I need a pay rise_ , he thinks as he rubs his hands across his tired face, feeling rather underappreciated. _Sometimes it just sucks to be vying for attention from a godamn eyepatch_.

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry... Im just.... so sorry
> 
> Hahahahahahaha *sobs*
> 
> Gift fic for Gift_From_Gaia who requested this pairing!! Whyyy ohgod whyyyy!
> 
> There is a possibility of me getting drunk and adding a second chapter from Fury's POV - BE WARNED


End file.
